Journal Entry Nov. 11, 2023 "I hate me. Like it must be nice to just beat me while I'm down. I'm not worthy of anyone. Only as a rebound. Maybe that's all I ever was. I'm not good enough... It's like God is making fun of me. Dreams. Its like I will matter... My own family... Barely talks to me... Im alwsys living in someone elses shadow." These exact thoughts were always what i thought about. from a daily basis. i felt like after those many tips down the rabbit hole, i alwasy thought i was never gonna be anything more than just someone to use and abuse. the fact that depression has struck, even when i didnt even expect it coming, i was only making up scenarios in my head and begin taking necessary measures to try and forget, my Wonderland wasnt suppose to be builton the reality that it was suppose make me insane. it was suppose to be my only escape from reality. My wonderland is going to help mold our worst realities and nightmares into something more
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Journal Entry Oct. 04, 2023 "another day. another day of nothing. im no sure what im' waiting for? am i still un limbo? am i dead or am i losing myself in my own feelings? plus hes back. in my life. my heart aches for him. would i go back if givn the chance? after a long day of work and still nothing i feel like im still in limbo like im high all the time. its like the only place to be. Crazy.... how does it work? How does coping work? Am i dead or am i still here? I dont think i belong anywhere. But this place feels like ive always belonged here. Like i dont have memories of bein here. Interdimensional bubble A portal.. Another time."